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Sue Sunshine Four Star Member


Age : 58 Joined : 15 Jan 2008 Posts : 632 Location : Midwest, USA
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Shelagh Admin


Joined : 11 Jan 2008 Posts : 2015 Location : UK
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Sun May 18, 2008 4:21 pm | |
| "Do not go there," he warned. "Do not go there," she fired back at him. "Do not go there," Jack issued a stern warning. "Do not go there," his mother demanded. _________________ Shelagh Watkins http://shelaghwatkins.co.uk/ |
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Sue Sunshine Four Star Member


Age : 58 Joined : 15 Jan 2008 Posts : 632 Location : Midwest, USA
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Forest Elf Four Star Member


Joined : 09 May 2008 Posts : 433 Location : Happily Wandering
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Sun May 25, 2008 7:19 pm | |
| Then there is the 80s Valley Elf way of saying it:
"Oh my Gaaaahd! Like you know, like, do not go there! Because you will totally freak me out!"  _________________ ~ JoElle ~ http://www.joellemartin.com
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Phil Whitley Four Star Member


Age : 65 Joined : 01 Apr 2008 Posts : 339 Location : Riverdale, GA
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Sun May 25, 2008 7:38 pm | |
| It could also be handled with no attribution tag at all by word emphasis. Like:
"Do not go there." (the word not italicized)
And after reading On Writing, I went back to my current work-in-progress and removed eleventy-seven billion adverbs. I now have a completed 47 word novel. _________________ Brew My website:http://www.philwhitley.com "Let us dare to read, think, speak and write." ~ John Adams, 1765
Last edited by Phil Whitley on Sun May 25, 2008 7:41 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Malcolm Four Star Member


Joined : 11 Jan 2008 Posts : 593 Location : Georgia
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Sun May 25, 2008 7:38 pm | |
| Shelagh,
What am I missing here? Your examples are all third person. Wasn't the question about doing it without using third?
Malcolm _________________ Malcolm R. Campbell
http://www.malcolmrcampbell.com |
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madhatter Four Star Member


Joined : 13 Feb 2008 Posts : 236 Location : Tallahassee, FL
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Sun May 25, 2008 8:02 pm | |
| Yes, all are third person POV...but, not with the adverb tags. At least, that's what I understood.
I might try something like this.
The twitch beside Jack's left eye returned. Menace sparked from his face; an evil aura.
"Do not go there." _________________ Southern fiction with a madhatter twist... www.rhettdevane.com |
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Sue Sunshine Four Star Member


Age : 58 Joined : 15 Jan 2008 Posts : 632 Location : Midwest, USA
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Mon May 26, 2008 1:35 am | |
| I am sorry, Malcolm, it was 3rd person adverbs not just 3rd person. After you asked I re-read what I had posted and I did say 3rd person but then I think I clarified it.
You see, I have been working on making my dialog better. That is one area I am very weak on when writing fiction. I need all the help I can get there. *smile*
Thanks everyone for your input. It helps me immensely. _________________ http://www.weavingdreamspublishing.com http://suesunshine.blogspot.com/ http://suesunshine.wordpress.com/ |
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Malcolm Four Star Member


Joined : 11 Jan 2008 Posts : 593 Location : Georgia
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Mon May 26, 2008 10:14 am | |
| Being a grammar dunce, I have no clue what a third person adverb is or even that such a thing existed.
Explain?
Malcolm _________________ Malcolm R. Campbell
http://www.malcolmrcampbell.com |
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lin Four Star Member


Joined : 20 Mar 2008 Posts : 750 Location : Mexico
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Shelagh Admin


Joined : 11 Jan 2008 Posts : 2015 Location : UK
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Mon May 26, 2008 11:19 am | |
| | Malcolm wrote: | Shelagh,
What am I missing here? Your examples are all third person. Wasn't the question about doing it without using third?
Malcolm |
I assumed Sue meant third person pronouns (he/she) and the first two examples used he and she. Sue asked how to write by not using third person (pronouns) and, in the last two examples, I used Jack and his mother. I think Sue received the answer she sought but didn't really understand the difference between third person (pov), third person pronoun and adverbs ending in ly. _________________ Shelagh Watkins http://shelaghwatkins.co.uk/ |
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Malcolm Four Star Member


Joined : 11 Jan 2008 Posts : 593 Location : Georgia
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Mon May 26, 2008 11:32 am | |
| Maybe I'm slightly less confused now.
Malcolm _________________ Malcolm R. Campbell
http://www.malcolmrcampbell.com |
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Sue Sunshine Four Star Member


Age : 58 Joined : 15 Jan 2008 Posts : 632 Location : Midwest, USA
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Mon May 26, 2008 2:25 pm | |
| Ok, since I don't have the book any longer let me see if I can recall wht was said that raised my question.
Examples of how not to say it:
"Do not go there," he said adamantly. "Do not go there," he haughtily spoke.
Example of how to say it:
"Do not go there," he stated. "Do not go there," he warned.
Do you see the difference? It took me a while to see it and I needed Shelagh's examples to show me. _________________ http://www.weavingdreamspublishing.com http://suesunshine.blogspot.com/ http://suesunshine.wordpress.com/ |
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lin Four Star Member


Joined : 20 Mar 2008 Posts : 750 Location : Mexico
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Shelagh Admin


Joined : 11 Jan 2008 Posts : 2015 Location : UK
 | Subject: Re: 1st and 3rd Person Mon May 26, 2008 5:09 pm | |
| | Sue Sunshine wrote: | Ok, since I don't have the book any longer let me see if I can recall wht was said that raised my question.
Examples of how not to say it:
"Do not go there," he said adamantly. "Do not go there," he haughtily spoke.
Example of how to say it:
"Do not go there," he stated. "Do not go there," he warned.
Do you see the difference? It took me a while to see it and I needed Shelagh's examples to show me. |
Sue, The use of third person caused the confusion. It doesn't matter if you write in first, second or third person -- I and we (first), you (second), he, she and they (third). The recommendation in the book was to find alternatives to using adverbs ending in ly to describe actions (verbs). In the examples you gave, said adamantly is replaced with a single verb: stated. This recommendation applies equally to I/you/he/she/we/they said adamantly. i.e. I/you/he/she/we/they stated. The use of adverbs is a separate issue to the use of first/second/third person. _________________ Shelagh Watkins http://shelaghwatkins.co.uk/ |
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