Headlines that shouldn't have happened

Subject: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:13 pm

It takes a special talent to write headlines. During my long newspaper career it was a talent missing from my makeup. Don't get me wrong; I could write beautiful headlines, but if the count was nineteen mine were twenty. You cannot make a twenty count headline fit in a space limited to nineteen.
That was OK because reporters don't write headlines. Editors do that. Sometimes the headline leaves something to be desired, so who do the readers blame for it? The reporter who wrote the story, of course.
Most of the editors I worked for were very good at the job. The best was Jack Richman, a wonderful city editor. You could file a story a few minutes before deadline and he would go over it, send it to the composing room and write a perfect headline and have it done on time.
Poor editors lift the best part of a story and use it in writing the headline. That would be like introducing a comedian by telling the punchline of his joke.
So I was thinking of headlines today after reading a post on a messageboard. I added a post of my own telling of two really bad examples on a paper I worked for. Rather than waste them on a messageboard, I'll use them here.
The first showed that semi-colons sometimes fail to do the job. It was written by a young editor who eventually became the editor of the entire paper. I never let him live down the headline that read:
Mabel Jones dies; cooked at Colonial Cafe.
The other one was much worse. If an excuse was needed by the writer he could have blamed it on a couple of policemen who didn't get along with each other. Jim Peters was rather heavy set and his not-so-friendly rival, Paul Cox, was a giant of a man. There wasn't a subject they agreed upon. The headline involving the pair read:
Cox and Peters battle at Merit Commission.
I'm not sure how many people actually read the story but I am certain everyone in town saw the headline. I had nothing to do with either the story or the head, yet everyone I saw the next day had some wisecrack and I was the innocent victim of their sorry attempts at humor.
Well, that's just the way it goes in the newspaper business.

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Mystery Writers of America, Private Eye Writers of America
www.dickstodghill.com

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:11 am

I've got a book with a page of really messed up headlines. The book's called Uncle John's Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader. It's really funny.
Here's a few examples:
-Nuns Forgiv Break-In, Assult Suspect
-Man is Fatally Slain
-Smithsonian May Cancel Bombing of Japan Exhibits
-TV Networks Agree to Police Violence
-Sewer District Plans Emergency Backup
The book also has a page of warning lables from various products that warn people not to do things like feed shampoo to their fish, eat fishing lures, inhale earplugs, use napkins for navigation, or crawl into a six inch plastic bag! lol!

Three Star Member Joined : 07 Jun 2008 Posts : 171

Mine isn't a headline but a secretarial shorthand message. I was out of the office and my secretary scribbled the message from my wife: "Matt died today. Bring trash can." Matt was not a parakeet or other pet that would be consigned to the trash but a fine old semi hermit gentleman who lived across the road in our ranch country. The trash can was an entirely different matter. We had discussed acquiring another galvanized grain can for our barn. Jackie telephoned to remind me to stop by the hardware store while I was still in town, and added the news of our friend. My secretary put the messages down in her own efficient style that appeared to be disrespectful of Old Matt, and despite the solemnity of his passing we still laugh at the phone message.

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:52 am

Those are all funny. See what you started, Dick? I have been getting a badly needed dose of laughter here today. Thank you all.
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Zada Connaway
Mother's Journals: parts 1, 2 and 3 ISBN # 1-4241-6969-0

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Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:13 am

I used to collect headlines and past them on the frig by my table (otherwise known as my work space). ]

I had like "Kampucheans Seize Kampuchea" "Salmon Kills Elephant", "40 Year Old Knucklehead Goes Coast To Coast Five TImes" the usual.

But my all time favorite came from a paper in Boonton, NJ that a college roomy's parents send him every week: "Mattress Burns Last Tuesday".

Stop the presses!
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Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:18 am

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:29 am

And there are also helpful warning lables that remind people that scooters move when used, that pepper spray will actually cause eye irritation, that you shouldn'd drink from the toilet, or dry your hair with a 1000 degree heat gun, and that a blanket will not protect you from a tornado. lol!

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:16 am

Airline peanut bag instructions. "Open bag, eat peanuts."

I looked to see if there were more detailed instructions.
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"To Beirut and Back"
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Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:56 pm

And there are folding baby strollers that have lables reminding parents to take the baby out of the stroller before folding the stroller up.

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:01 pm

Gosh Dick,

I'll bet you're one of the few people here on the forum who stil remembers what "flitj" means.

One could source for bad headlines used to be Winners and sinners from the NY Times.

A terrible headline I saw in a UK paper once was:
BRITISH STEEL SCREWS ORDER

Actually, they were using the word "screws" as a noun rather than a verb, but being trained to write headlines in America, I wasn't expecting a headline with no verb in it.

Malcolm
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Malcolm R. Campbell

http://www.malcolmrcampbell.com

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:32 pm

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:54 pm

Another of my favorites requires some explanation.

When the state-wide Baja newspaper came out with the headline "Coahuila Is National Leader in Sex Education for Adults" most people in Mexicali, the state capital where it's published, would interpret "Coahuila" as the border state of Mexico (a state impacted by HIV from the US and working to overcome it)

But readers in Tijuana (who outnumber the Mexicali readership) would immediately think of the street called Coahuila, which has lent its name to the entire, famous TJ "red light district"...and draw other interpretations.
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Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:56 pm

BTW, the "40 Year Old Knucklehead" line is from a biker magazine: a "knucklehead" is a style of Harley Davidson engine, not an awareness-impared drifter.
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Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:03 pm

Now I get the knucklehead ref Lin--thanks for 'splaining!

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Pam Robertson

http://andthebandplayedonmylawn.blogspot.com

Subject: Re: Headlines that shouldn't have happened Mon Jun 30, 2008 11:16 pm